The moment I turned 16 was probably the happiest time in my young life. It meant that I could get a drivers license, get a job and start contributing to the economy. I had a number of places in mind: the AMC Theatre in downtown, several retail shops, the now famous Record Town music store and Subway. Don’t ask why I chose Subway. Oh, and I also tried some stores inside Ridgmar Mall. Alas, none of these jobs would have me. So I put my head down and walked away from the job search in shame. Little did I know at the time that most of these jobs that teenagers filled required either some skill, experience, or knowing someone who already worked there. That last part was key to me getting hired as a card carrying member of the “Have it your way” crew. Yes, friends, my first job was at Burger King.
Have you ever met someone who annoyed the holy piss out of you? Seriously? Come on, fess up! I know you have. Well, this person for me was Tim Wakefield. No, his real name wasn’t Tim Wakefield, but for the purposes of this story it was. Tim Wakefield was this chubby, annoying kid who thought he was cool, but was really a serious loser. Hell, I wasn’t much of a winner either, but at least I wasn’t Tim Wakefield. Wakey was simply that guy. You know, THAT guy. He dressed like a dork, listened to sports radio and always had hat hair because of his stupid Texas Rangers cap that he wore all the time. However, Wakes did what none of my friends could ever do: he got me a job.
Yes, the big lug helped your boy get a job. Mind you, this was ten months after I turned 16, but it was something. “You’re fucking insane!” is what the ex said to me after I told her where I’d be working. Not what establishment I’d be working at, but the area in which I’d be working at. The city of Lake Worth, Texas at the time had a reputation for being a KKK safe haven and home to just about any and every backwards, hillbilly, walking shoeless into the grocery store hick. And I don’t mean rednecks, because rednecks I can deal with. The people who resided in Lake Worth were the bottom feeders of America. A prime example of what I’m talking about will be discussed later. Today, Lake Worth is a sprawling business mecca with all kinds of shops, restaurants, strip malls and banks. Hell, I live here now! The toothless hicks were pushed out, and the businesses came a’ runnin’!
After procuring employment, I came in one day to work my shift. I was handed my uniform: a pair of dark blue work pants, a ball cap with a tiny BK logo on one corner, my name tag and the ugly polo they forced everyone to wear. Now, let me describe this polo. It was a light greenish color, with dark green horizontal stripes running across it. *Barf* As far as shoes go I was able to wear the ones I came in with. Awesome sauce. I was ready to begin my training like Luke Skywalker on the Millennium Falcon with Obi-Wan. However, there was no training droid at Burger King. What followed was me sitting in the break room/storage area, watching an interactive laser disc that told me all about the gobbley goodness of BK and then quizzed me on it.
After that I was shown to the kitchen, where I would spend the next almost year of my life with an ex-convict that had ADD, a spoiled rich kid who daddy made get a job, a nymphomaniac and a kid who, if he were around at the time, I would have said looked just like Brock Lesnar. And let’s not forget the henpecked husband who just came home from the military, the guy who dressed like a Backstreet Boy, Tim Wakefield and his friend who looked like a reincarnated dinosaur.
My first day ended soon after that. I was shown the broiler and they even let me try it out myself. The broiler was this device that was basically a mini version of a pizza oven. Frozen patties went in through one side, then came out the other side... juicy and delicious.
Join us next time for part two of my journey through the wonderful world of Burger King (circa 1997).
